Long story short, not every living person on earth is invited to our wedding (is this too weird?) Not everyone who wishes to attend our wedding can just decide on their own terms to come.
The uninvited person from the groom's family knows her presence is not wanted at the wedding. Parents of the groom have been notified and explained since November. The groom-to-be explained politely to his parents that only parents from both sides of the family will attend the wedding, additional family members will not be invited as this was the decision and request made by us. The specific person whose presence is unwanted has been notified, in a polite way, that the wedding guest list includes only close friends and the parents. This person expressed acknolwedgement in person this January. Groom's parents and bride's parents had mutural agreement that all arrangements of the wedding celebration are to be made by the bride and the groom this January as well.
Well, just this past weekend, a friend who happens to be married to one of the groom's family member told me of a particular instance. The person who we expressed not want the presence of is coming to our wedding celebration. W and I were shocked. W called this person over the phone at 6am yesterday to explicitly state our request and reason. W wrote a paragraph before making the call, he wanted to make sure what was on our mind could be heard. The person answered the phone and cut W off mid-sentence and said "I don't want to go to your wedding." W stopped talking after hearing that, and said "ok, well that's it then." The conversation was done in a minute or two. A couple of hours later, I received an email from the same friend who told us of her coming. She's not only planning on coming, she bought plane tickets to Salt Lake City. Ok, that changed everything. W thought this relative maybe could not understand his hint that we don't want her here so he thought to call yesterday to make it clear. The person said she does not want to come, yay. Then why has she bought plane tickets? She has no friends or families here in Utah. Her sons live in the east coast and one is coming to our wedding celebration with his wife and child. We're still shocked.
This morning, at about 4am, W got a message from another person (of course it's a relative again, this person is the brother of the uninvited person who bought plane tickets). He wrote he heard about the phone call that was made earlier and how he does not understand why we would state such thing that we do not want her presence at the wedding because"親人大老遠飛過去..." (i.e., relative making such long distance travel). "你們怎麼可以這樣呢?" (the tone of it was "how in the world can you do that?")
My immediate thought was, has anyone asked us of our opinion? This person knew she's uninvited, yet she went ahead and bought plane ticket. Now she's telling people we called to tell her she's uninvited after she has bought plane tickets. Before making accusation of why we're acting in the way that is so offending, you should ask her why we did not include her on the guest list.
W wrote back a message that was composed by both he and I. W wrote "we invited people who have witnessed the growth of our relationship and since this sister of his (W's aunt, let's just be straight) has openly disapproved our relationship from years ago when we first met, and encouraged her own family to stay away from Sherry," this is the reason why she is not invited. Also, there's the mutural agreement between the parents of the groom and bride that parents will be the only family members at the celebration." This person wrote back at close to 6am and said all the biased doings were because this aunt did not know me well then (so a person can just make judgements before knowing someone? plus, she still doesn't know me). The last message was "don't make your parents embarrassed."
This means a lot. First, the aunt ignored our request that was made to her over the phone and in person. Second, she lied to our face. She said she's not coming, well, looks like she changed her mind or just lied. Third, W's parents never mentioned of her coming yet we talk on the phone every weekend. In fact, we talk about stuff for wedding preparation every week and it never occured to them they should let us know this aunt was looking to buy plane tickets and has bought tickets. Fourth, W's parents made the mutural agreement with my parents that only the four of them will come as family members. Every arrangement about the wedding including the guest list is of our decision and that they will respect the decision. This was a promise made from W's parents to my parents. W's parents' act of intentionally not telling us that this aunt has bought tickets is like a slap to my face and to my parents' face. W's parents knew the very reason why this aunt is uninvited. They know having her at the wedding will make me unhappy. They're intentionally making the bride unhappy and intentionally breaking the promise that was made to my parents.
This is supposed to be a celebration of our union. Not some family reunion that any family member who wants to come can just hop on a plane and come. Every single guest that is going to receive an invitation from us is invited because he or she means something in our relationship, witnessed the growth of our last 9 years of being together. Is it so weird we don't want to invite the person who has trash talked behind my back and openly told relatives to not invite me to family gatherings?
Worst case situations, bride is the unhappiest person at the wedding day if this aunt sneaks into the venue therefore brides' parents yell at groom's parents. Or, I make a call to the inlaws family and firmly express my opinion and discuss consequences if someone uninvited crashes at the wedding, such as involving the cops. Third possible outcome: bride's parents discuss the disappropriateness of having this aunt at the wedding with the groom's parents (many reasons, 1, she has been warned undesired for yet still insists on coming, 2, she recently had a death in family by marriage, chinese culture says that's bringing bad luck for intentionally showing up at celebrations/weddings within certain period of time, 3, how bad this makes their own son feels.
Anyone can come to SLC, it's just our wedding celebration isn't something anyone can just show up and crash into. Is it so wrong that we only want certain people to be at our wedding celebration? It's like, can we not make the decision who we want to make friends with, can we not make the decision who we want to share our day with?